Scarlett Choi

I left my window,

Open on Sunday,

Hoping the leftover rain and the brisk summer wind,

Would wash away all the emotion.

​

I know it's been months now.

I still think about you.

My head feels much heavier now and my arms are worn out,

And it seems like there’s nothing to do.

 

How can I wake up and go play another impossible game of pretend?

How can I smile and tell her I love her and let them all down once again?

I am a paper boat on the ocean.

I am a desolate highway at night.

And I don’t know when I’ll see you again,

So please come and kiss me goodnight.

 

Heaviness, showering, failing your courses,

Messages, loneliness, and shows about horses,

Falling behind on things, sleeping through therapy,

Standing outside and I know you’re not listening.

 

Lying behind the phone. Please just leave me alone.

Mobile games, avenues, Bo Burnham, missing you.

Calling through subtle tears. God I wish you were here.

Waiting in vain for the end.

 

How can I wake up and go play another improbable game of pretend?

How can I smile and tell her I love her and let them all down once again?

​

Walk out into society,

Hold my hand. Let me go, Leave the room quietly.

Fuel out all your anxiety.

Open up. Close the door. You’re not what you said you’d be.

I hate everything about me.

I can’t shut up. I can’t speak out. I’m stuck in this body.

So look out the pier and please hold me near.

I feel so alone without you.

​

How can I wake up and go play another impossible game of pretend?

How can I smile and tell her I love her and let them all down once again?

​

How can I wake up and go play another impossible game of pretend?

How can I smile and tell you I love you and let them all down once again?

I am a paper boat In the ocean.

I am a desolate highway at night.

And I don’t know when I’ll see you again.

So please come and kiss me goodnight.